some funny quotes.................

It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright

How young can you die of old age?
Steven Wright

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
Steven Wright

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Steven Wright

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Steven Wright

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Henny Youngman

Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.
James Thurber

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. ~Mel Brooks

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Death is hereditary.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
--------Robert Frost



A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. Arthur Block